A little bit more of the day-to-day

I feel like I'm finally getting used to thinking of myself as pregnant, and less freaked out every time I am reminded of it.

It's strange the changes that this has already brought to my body and my psyche. Over the last few weeks (I'm currently almost 9 weeks along), I've physically struggled with low-level nausea (constantly, not just mornings!), constipation, gas/bloating, and a level of fatigue the likes of which I'd never known.

Of everything, the nausea and fatigue were the worst: I'd go all day barely able to move around because every movement felt like 20x the usual energy expenditure, and frustrated not only because I knew it was exacerbated by the nausea which prevented me from eating and taking in a reasonable number of calories, but by the simple fact that I'm an extremely high-energy, high-functioning person. My to-do list is usually at least a page long, and and having to take a nap after cleaning up the kitchen for 20 minutes was infuriating.

Emotionally, it wasn't much better. Aside from the frustration and depression brought on by the physical changes in my body, I was struggling with a chronic low-level (and sometimes very acute!) depression. Add to that a set of mood swings that felt like PMS on steroids, and I was not a happy camper.

Unfortunately, when combined with my ambivalence about the pregnancy earlier on, this led to a lot of tension between D and I. He didn't understand why I couldn't do even basic housework and expected him to do more work after he got home from a 10-hour shift, and felt incredibly frustrated that I ran hot and cold toward him all the time. When his own fears of my leaving were added to the mix, it created a very unpleasant environment.

Now that my body and my emotions are calming down some, everything seems to be more manageable. I'm slowly getting my energy back and have been able to socialize some, D and I are doing extremely well, and the physical symptoms are down to a reasonable level.

Yes, I still have nausea some days and bloating most of them, but it's no longer enough to lay me out for the day.

Mostly, I'm just thrilled that things are manageable now and that my relationship is back on track.

Today, we're headed to D's sister's to spend some time with his family on his off-day, and move the last of his belongings here to our home.