Thursday, June 30, 2011

I hate pregnancy books

Can I just say how deeply I hate most pregnancy books?

Apparently, every woman who's ever been pregnant is automatically glowy-happy-thrilled by their pregnancy and no woman is every ambivalent, scared, or just plain not ready for this.
The insipid advice: "you may be feeling some emotional changes,but not to worry- that's normal," doesn't even begin to cover the mood swings, depression, elation, and mind-numbing terror of being pregnant, much less being pregnant without having planned it yet!

Want to know what those "emotional changes" are really like, for an ambivalent woman still half-hoping in the back of her head for a spontaneous miscarriage?
Try waking up in the morning nauseated and gassy, and feeling like shifting a single muscle is the hardest thing you've ever done. Wonder what's wrong and if you're hung over, then remember that alcohol is forbidden to you by the Gods of PC Pregnancy, and feel your stomach drop sickeningly at the terrifying reminder that there's a parasitic tadpole latching onto your organs and sucking the nutrition out of you just like it will suck away your time, energy, and finances for the next 20 years.
Then have your partner try to snuggle you closer, maybe initiate some hanky-panky, and try not to shove them away in utter revulsion for any physical contact right now... and then spend the next hour smoothing away the emotional damage your abrupt rejection has left in your relationship- while still struggling with nausea, gas, fatigue, and the overwhelming desire to slit your partner's throat so that they will just leave you alone.

Fuck you, "What to Expect When You're Expecting," there is nothing between your covers that prepares a woman for that.
Nothing.
"Emotional changes," my ass.

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